You’re (still) making a(nother) big mistake (again)

Seriously, this story first came up in what, 2012? You’ve had 6 years to hire some brilliant strategist to plan a response, and this is the best you could do? Even though I am just nobody, let me do you the solid of a prepared statement.

“The family story of my grandparents getting married despite parental opposition has a lot of personal meaning for me, even though there’s no evidence it’s true. I was wrong to claim Native American heritage based on that story, without investigating first. I compounded that mistake by being defensive when it was pointed out to me, and by refusing to listen to some women who wanted to help me understand the issues involved more deeply. Unlike some of my colleagues on the left, I do not believe that a person can claim any biological or cultural identity they’d like. And unlike some of my colleagues on the right, I do not believe that Native people get special advantages because of their ethnicity or tribal affiliation — quite the opposite, in fact. I won’t be discussing this issue in interviews or answering questions about it going forward, though I will consider all communications about it from my constituents as I work to represent them all to the best of my ability.”

Now was that so hard?


What Trans People Need to Know When Using My Restroom

From my earlier post you might think I give a ton of fucks about men in the women’s room. For myself, I’m not all that concerned.* Predatory restroom attacks are pretty rare overall (though they do happen, and it’s the continual fact-free denial of that reality that required a laying out of evidence).


There is some basic public bathroom etiquette that I am sure most trans people are well aware of and practice consistently. If that describes you, congratulations, and thank you. This post is not meant for you.


I have been in situations where males dressed in women’s clothing have violated basic public restroom etiquette, thereby demonstrating that their interest in the women’s room goes beyond micturition. Or maybe they were just ignorant of how women do things. I can see how they would be, since they are male.

Either way, the following should help, and should be assumed to apply in any sex-segregated space where any degree of naked business takes place, such as locker rooms, department store dressing rooms, the women’s tub at the spa, etc.

My restroom rules, in order of my personal preference**

Unless you know me, or something is on fire:

  1. Ignore me completely. Go about your business. Wash your hands and leave. I will reciprocate.
  2. If you must, give a distant greeting. A nod and/or smile and one second of eye contact and/or say “Hello.” Go about your business. Wash your hands and leave. I will reciprocate.

That’s pretty easy, right?

If you direct any of the following (let alone anything more intrusive) at someone you don’t know in the restroom, you are acting like a creepy perv, regardless of your intention or whether other women (say they) like it. In my nearly 50 years of experience, women almost never behave in these ways with strangers in public restrooms.

Restroom no-nos

  1. Extended looking, smiling or eye contact.
  2. Striking up a conversation on any topic, especially while I am going about my business.
  3. Asking my opinion of your hair/clothing/makeup.
  4. Making a comment on my appearance in any way.
  5. Attempting to flirt.

Above all, do not interpret polite responses to any of the above as a) evidence that you pass or b) wank fodder. Because a) you don’t***, and b) I refuse to be a tool of your sexual fetish.

If you’re really just there to pee, do that, and get out. Anything else gives away your true intentions, and proves women have good reasons for not wanting you in our sex-segregated spaces.

* On behalf of young, old or disabled females, who may be perceived as more vulnerable in the restroom by male sexual predators, yes, I am worried.
** Because isn’t it all about our feelz?
*** Though we know better than to tell you so, because we don’t want you to punch us in the mouth.